by

Joseph Weatherford

With two plastic action figures in my hand, I would pit my favorite super heroes in hand-to-hand combat. The Incredible Hulk with his emerald green skin and snarled face looks like a tough opponent; however, Spider-Man wears red, white, and blue spandex. Who will win? If in reality the two superheroes could come to life, I would say that Spider-Man could win against the Incredible Hulk any day. Spider-Man would win because of speed, intelligence, and flexibility.

While both Spider-Man and the Hulk derive their strength from freak accidents, the Hulk from gamma rays and Spider-Man from the bite of a radioactive spider, Spider-Man developed super-speed that would aid in his win against the Incredible Hulk. When Peter Parker, a.k.a.., Spider-Man, turned into everyone’s favorite wall-crawler, he developed a great deal of super-human speed. In a fight against the Sand-Man in the classic 1970's The Spectacular Spider-Man, Spider-Man used his speed to bounce off a wall in a hospital to avoid a fatal blow from the Sand-Man’s tidal wave of sand. However, the Hulk is a much slower creature. After Dr. Bruce Banner changed into the Hulk because of over-exposure to gamma radiation, he grew in height. Banner went from a normal five- foot-eleven-inch-tall man to an enormous ten-foot-tall beast. The size of his stature did increase his overall land speed, but in a fight with Wolverine of the X-Men in The Incredible Hulk #725, Wolverine defeated the Hulk by moving faster than the Hulk. The creature’s speed would be a hindrance in a fight. That is why Spider-Man would win.

Along with speed, intelligence would play a key role in a fight between Spider-Man and the Hulk. Peter Parker is an intelligent young man who is a genius in gene manipulation. Bruce Banner is likewise a genius, since it was his own experiments that allowed him to first form into the green monster. After Spider-Man’s mutation, Parker retained his mental capacity; however, when Bruce Banner "Hulks Out," his I.Q. drops from Nobel Prize winner to a cabbage. This intellectual handicap would be a deciding factor for Spider-Man’s defeat of the Hulk.

Last of all, flexibility plays a key role in super-human combat. Unlike speed and intelligence, flexibility is often overlooked as a strength. Spider-Man has, in many cases, avoided death and saved the day just because he was able to limbo under a speeding missile or a swinging fist. The Hulk is just such a big creature that he would be an open target for anyone. He may be big, but villains and heroes alike can see him towering over hills and residential homes. Spider-Man could avoid any of the Hulk’s jabs or punches. Spider-Man is a far superior fighter and would defeat the Hulk "hands-down."

Whether it is speed, intelligence, or flexibility, Spider-man excels. A fight between the Hulk and Spider-Man would end with Spider-Man avoiding every attack by the Hulk. Just like a bull and a matador, Spider-Man would have the green giant too exhausted to win. I guess the Incredible Hulk is not so incredible after all.